I know what you're thinking, but it's not that "F" word (although at times, they can be related)
For the purpose of this blog, the "F" Word is forgiveness.
Now as a Christian, I truly believe in the idea of forgiveness. It's just what we are supposed to do. If this is the case, then why am I having such a hard time doing so? I've concluded that forgiveness takes more than just saying the words and making a few required gestures. They are only the tip of the berg! The embodiment of the "F" Word goes deeper than that.
I've dealt with the inital step. Believe it or not, this took an extreme exercise in humility. I had to realize that everything isn't about me all of the time. With this being understood, I now know that even though it seems as such, the wrongdoings of others aren't always a deliberate attack against me.
I also understand that I am harboring feelings of resentment because I cannot seem to release my mental shackles. I know that this affects my actions in almost every realm of my life. Sure, I feel powerless in some instances. Sure, I know that I need to exercise forgiveness in order for me to regain that power. Now this is where I get stuck.
I know there has to be another step in the process because I haven't completely enveloped the true meaning of the "F" Word. I haven't reached it's ultimate goal. I am looking for a way to let some things go and move past the facade of forgiveness and enter into it's true realm.
Suggestions?
The Art Speaks for Itself
8 years ago
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5 comments:
Honey all you can do is give it time and remind yourself when need be of what your ultimate goal is. And that is to let go of it all. Be patient.
Noe, we've all faced a difficult situation where forgiveness was required on our part. Without knowing how deep or how long ago the offense in your case was, all I can offer is taken from my own personal experience along with the Christians' perspective of forgiveness. (Stay with me, Im trying not to make this reply longer than your original blog! lol!) Here are some thoughts from my "Deal With Your Issues" blog from August of last year, I wrote: ...part 2 of this step is FORGIVENESS! A friend once said, "TRUE forgiveness is being able to RESTORE a person back to the place they were before the offense occurred." WOW! But your immediate first reaction to that statement is: "Nuh, uh! You don't even know what s/he did!!!" But it doesn't even matter; complete forgiveness is essential for the healing process to continue. For me, I set aside time to go through this process…this cannot be completed over the course of a weekend! Then I gave myself more blocks of time to write what I was feeling. Whatever I was feeling, I wrote it down: I wrote poems and prayers. Some days, the hurt was so raw, and fresh…but that was my indication that it was a whole lot there, and a bandaid "I forgive you" just wouldn't work. And I was determined to deal with it all COMPLETELY and forgive COMPLETELY!" And if you read this blog, you know how SERIOUS the offense was, and how LONG I was bound by the ordeal, and how CLOSE i was to the offender... And just a few word from the Christian perspective: there are 2 verses that hold me up when Im faced with a situation that requires my forgiveness:
Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. That's pretty straightforward! And Matthew 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. And when I think about how often God forgives me for all my offences to him, and worse, some of the same offenses committed over and over, and how He is so merciful and loving to forgive me each time, and grant me brand new mercies with each sunrise, who am I to withhold forgiveness?
Noe, my primary piece of advice is to give yourself time; forgiveness is not an act, it's a process. (Hope this helps)
Hey Noe,
I’m happy that you want to move past the façade because you see that it’s holding you back.
Before I offer my suggestion, a couple of things about your post: Forgiveness is not an idea; it is a choice and for Christians, a requirement. There are no certain words or required gestures, except that we take this spin on the golden rule: do unto others as we would have GOD do unto us. I get the feeling that you think the reason for forgiveness is arbitrary (“… just what we’re supposed to do”), but it’s not at all. It serves a purpose:
- It is a showing of grace that imitates Christ (Eph 5:1, Col 3:13, Heb 12:15)
- It gives us much needed practice in being obedient to God. (2 John 1:6)
- It opens or closes the door to our own forgiveness (James 2:13, Matt 6:14-15)
God, who loves us immeasurably and saturates us with grace and mercy, says that he will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others. Now think about it: why would he send his only Son to die for our sins and also make his forgiveness conditional? Because it’s that important. It comes between you and Him.
I’ve struggled with forgiveness before and tried to let time do its thing, but every time I thought about it the pain returned fresh. There was nothing the person could do to make it right. Their apologies/promises/reform might make me feel better but it wasn’t a guarantee. I realized that what I really wanted was for it never to have happened; I was bitter from having been hurt in the first place. My heart was broken, and not forgiving was my way of saying I deserved better than to be treated like that. Maybe you can relate.
Have you prayed about this? My suggestion is to do just that. Go to God and acknowledge everything you’re feeling. Ask Him to help you release those “mental shackles” – and the spiritual ones too. Read up on what the Bible says about forgiveness.
Realize this: "Satan is perfectly willing to have a person confess Christianity as long as he/she does not live it."
Praying for ya.
Hey Noe... Yes this is exactly what I was talking about. I believe forgiveness starts with ones self. Often times we beat ourselves up for allowing such things to happen to us that hurt us, that we feel we should have known better, or that we shoulda seen the signs. We start to live with regret. So we must first acknowledge this, and forgive ourselves...then forgive the person that harmed us, even if they dont apologize, pray on it, and then pray for them...
of course easier said than done, but in the end we are all better for it
peace n blessings.
~TD
www.tinadivina.com
Well said. They say that time heals all wounds. That can only be the case if you don't scratch and claw at that particular wound. For a wound to heal you have to truly leave it alone.
Now the hard part is actually doing so and if I knew how to do that, I wouldn't be feeling the blog so tough.
Rob-L
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