I find it truly difficult to be continuously optimistic about my relationship when those around me are failing. Even though I feel guilty about it, I do try to learn from the mishaps that others encounter so I don’t have to make the same mistakes and feel the same pain. Hey, why should they be the only ones who benefit from such suffering? Jokes aside, I do think anyone can learn from a mistake, no matter whose mistake it was.
To fall in love is a beautiful thing. To be in love is even better. Staying in love takes some work though! Attempting everlasting growth in the lover’s realm truly takes deliberate patience! For those of you who know me, you know I will tell anyone who listens how much I love being in love. It just makes everyday life that much easier. I have to say though, when the stuff hits the fan, everyday tasks seem like they take every ounce of strength. Not to say that without love, there is nothing, but I will say love makes folks happy. Without happiness, there is not much to life.
I’m all for strong relationships no matter what race, but black love is so beautiful when it’s real. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we don’t deserve the same privileges that others do because of the color of our skin. That’s as big of a lie as them telling you that your vote doesn’t count. I’m sidetracking, I know, but I needed to throw that in there ;-) Although “the others” (hahaha) would like for us to believe we are conditioned to love each other, we must show them how it’s done and supposed to be.
I say all this to make a note that it is much easier to be happy in life. Now let’s make it clear that I don’t believe that happiness always equals being in love, I just used that as a jump off since it was the inspiration for this piece in the first place. The bottom line: Everything good in your life is worth the strife. Especially love.
The Art Speaks for Itself
8 years ago
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4 comments:
Interesting note. I might need to go back and read it one more time to make sure I'm getting the overall point you were trying to make.
The opening line sticks with me: "I find it truly difficult to be continuously optimistic about my relationship when those around me are failing." To that I'd say don't put your faith in people...no matter who they are. We are all imperfect and go through the ups and downs of life like anyone else...the best way we know how. Another couple's failed relationship (or your own personal failed relationship from the past) does not equal or spell disaster for your current one. You have to follow your own heart and your own path. I agree, love is definitely worth the work it takes. But, you have to be smart and follow your own heart.
The lesson that I've learned from my own "failed" relationship is to be smart and follow my heart. You know what's really real on the inside and if you follow that you'll never go wrong.
Peace.
Okay, I'll write the first (long) comment. I completely agree with you on just about everything you've written. Love is beautiful yet chaotic! I don't think any other emotion can make you do the things that love can make you do. The one statement about 'staying in love takes work' made me think. I don't think "staying" in love takes work. When you truly love someone, love is everlasting. The "work" is when the one you love makes mistakes. Keeping your mouth shut and not saying 'I told you so' is the "work". The "work" is when you have a difference in opinion with your loved one. Compromising and/or *gasp* submitting to your lovers opinion is the "work". The "work" is when one person wants to do the unpopular thing. Supporting them unconditionally and selflessly is the "work". All in all, love is easy. The work is getting over yourself, considering the other person's feeling and allowing them to come first. Hard lesson learned in my 5+ years of marriage! Anything worth having is worth working for, right?!? Love ya!
Having never been in love, let alone in a relationship, I dare to comment on a small piece of this blog: and im expounding on what Nana said - people in relationships should be careful not to weigh theirs against the failures or even the successes of other relationships. Couple A may constantly shower each other with expensive gifts. Couple B may take separate vacations once a year. Couple C may have a date night once a week. Couple D may cuddle on the couch and watch tv every night. There is no rule that says that any of the above couple is any more or less in love than the others. But some may say that Couple A is more in love than Couple B, but none of these relationships are any more or less successful than the others. We are all different, and different relationships run on different rules, which should be specifically created by, you guessed it, the people IN the relationship! The problem is that we (yall) let society, tv, movies, and other influences determine how YOUR relationship will run. Its just like choosing a career, you cant do what others think you should be doing, you should do something you're passionate about. People in relationships should think the same way, who best to decide the guidelines of a relationship besides those 2 individuals in them? Thats why Jada and Wil are still together: one of their rules is that they can look and even comment on the attractiveness of other people! What a freeing rule! And that works for them! Do you know how many marriages are stressed because one person's look lingered a second too long? All it takes is a so-called friend to say, "If my man did that, he wouldn't hear the end of it!" Too many people allow others to set standards in their relationship, while they themselves are a passive partner. Its sad! Anyway, All im saying is that if the 2 people in the relationship set the boundries themselves and not allow others to even influence how their relationship works, it will be long lasting, and an example to others! And Noe, YOU can be one of those examples!
I would comment on another part of this blog, but this comment is already WAAAAY too long!
PS, Nana, we haven't communicated since Tolleston except through blogs, comments and pictures, but I must say that you (and B) are one of my few examples of a successful, lasting and loving relationship! Kudos to you both for putting in the "work"! ;)
Fa sho - this just makes the old adage true - if it's worth having, it's worth fighting for!
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