Surrender to the Possibilities

Fly Me to the Moon that rests Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

2008-09-25T23:25:00.004-05:00

I find it truly difficult to be continuously optimistic about my relationship when those around me are failing. Even though I feel guilty about it, I do try to learn from the mishaps that others encounter so I don’t have to make the same mistakes and feel the same pain. Hey, why should they be the only ones who benefit from such suffering? Jokes aside, I do think anyone can learn from a mistake, no matter whose mistake it was.

To fall in love is a beautiful thing. To be in love is even better. Staying in love takes some work though! Attempting everlasting growth in the lover’s realm truly takes deliberate patience! For those of you who know me, you know I will tell anyone who listens how much I love being in love. It just makes everyday life that much easier. I have to say though, when the stuff hits the fan, everyday tasks seem like they take every ounce of strength. Not to say that without love, there is nothing, but I will say love makes folks happy. Without happiness, there is not much to life.

I’m all for strong relationships no matter what race, but black love is so beautiful when it’s real. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we don’t deserve the same privileges that others do because of the color of our skin. That’s as big of a lie as them telling you that your vote doesn’t count. I’m sidetracking, I know, but I needed to throw that in there ;-) Although “the others” (hahaha) would like for us to believe we are conditioned to love each other, we must show them how it’s done and supposed to be.

I say all this to make a note that it is much easier to be happy in life. Now let’s make it clear that I don’t believe that happiness always equals being in love, I just used that as a jump off since it was the inspiration for this piece in the first place. The bottom line: Everything good in your life is worth the strife. Especially love.

Scenes of a Sistah:Past and Present

2008-09-10T12:30:00.000-05:00

Just a thought...
I understand that we as black women have a historical trait of being nurturing. It is true that in the past we took care of everyone; our slave masters, their families, other slaves' children, and that list goes on. The only person that it does not include is us! For now, I have something to say regarding "nurturing."

I think it's cool to support your man. If you have a man who is all about doing what's best for the BOTH OF YOU, then he does deserve your "bestest." I say this because when stuff hits the fan, you know he has your back. Of course, there are limitations and you should know your own.

Ladies, I only have one thing to say about this one...While you take care of everyone around you, make sure someone is taking care of you. I look at it this way...If I don't take care of me, who will? God helps those who help themselves, so what is it that we are waiting on?

What the Heezy?

2008-08-26T12:53:00.001-05:00

1. Ok Beijing, what's really going on? Fake fireworks, fake singers. What next? Fake athletic ability? Actually no, it was fake birth certificates!

2. I think I hear files containing doping charges against Jamaica sliding across a desk as I type.

3. Tell me, why do some think they are entitled to do whatever the hell they want?

4. Case in point. I don’t care how small your dog is, it does not belong with you at work. This is a place of business. Sheesh!

5. I have a real problem with elitist!

6. I guess I should make sure I'm not one before I make that comment...

7. I think I'm in the clear, maybe.

8. A certain someone's voice just makes me cringe like nails on a chalkboard.

9. Yup, I think the time is coming for me to move on.

10. Teej, I think I may have to try your "lyric listing method" just once to see if I can do it. ;-)

11. Would it be ok to beat the hell outta one of those kids in the store who won't stop screaming over some dumb piece of candy, toy, chips, etc.?

12. Seriously, I do know the answer to that. But would it be ok to beat the hell outta the parent for letting them act out like that in public in the first place?

13. On second thought, I think that happens to be a much better plan.

14. I take on my mom’s motto on that one, “Where you show out, is where you get worked out.”

15. She said that like it was a freaking Commandment. Acted as such too!

16. I got plenty of smack downs in department stores. HA!

17. Thinking of that, I can only imagine what I’m going to get back when I procreate.

18. Mercy, please? Please?

19. Big ups to my boy KG on his engagement!

20. Plug for his online radio show http://www.abrotherspov.com/

21. Black love can be such a beautiful thing if you work at it.

22. On the other hand, if you don't, it can be a big ol' pile of ish!

23. Don't act like you don't know what I'm saying!

24. I'm not really one for road rage, but that lady that I flipped off last week really deserved it.

25. If I saw her again, I would probably do the exact same thing.

26. No regrets.

27. Somehow, I think I am doing this backwards, but I've just started working out again.

28. Yeah, I am, but I figure I'll be good and tight for my big 3-0 bday in the dead of winter!

29. As a child I dreamed for a July bday.

30. I never really did get over that, but I guess I need to give that up!

31. I suppose E.Lynn Harris showed yall that he can write hetero-fiction!

32. Just Too Good To Be True was on point. Athletes beware!

33. Just read the book and you'll know what I mean.

34. I'll be starting a book club in the fall. Message me with interests.

35. Some of my sista girls are superb writers.

36. I can't wait to see their pages hit the shelves.

37. September is a big music month!

38. What's on your "go cop it" list?

The "F" Word

2008-08-07T12:52:00.002-05:00

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that "F" word (although at times, they can be related)
For the purpose of this blog, the "F" Word is forgiveness.

Now as a Christian, I truly believe in the idea of forgiveness. It's just what we are supposed to do. If this is the case, then why am I having such a hard time doing so? I've concluded that forgiveness takes more than just saying the words and making a few required gestures. They are only the tip of the berg! The embodiment of the "F" Word goes deeper than that.

I've dealt with the inital step. Believe it or not, this took an extreme exercise in humility. I had to realize that everything isn't about me all of the time. With this being understood, I now know that even though it seems as such, the wrongdoings of others aren't always a deliberate attack against me.

I also understand that I am harboring feelings of resentment because I cannot seem to release my mental shackles. I know that this affects my actions in almost every realm of my life. Sure, I feel powerless in some instances. Sure, I know that I need to exercise forgiveness in order for me to regain that power. Now this is where I get stuck.

I know there has to be another step in the process because I haven't completely enveloped the true meaning of the "F" Word. I haven't reached it's ultimate goal. I am looking for a way to let some things go and move past the facade of forgiveness and enter into it's true realm.

Suggestions?

Anticipation

2008-04-22T11:21:00.001-05:00

Will I blow my fuse?
Or will I play it calm and refuse
to let this situation get the best of me?
I have been tried and tested,
but I shall not be bested,
not like this.
I have talked, yelled, shouted, cried, sighed, and just thrown my hands up.
I've prayed, swayed, weighed the situation, and prayed some more.
It seems I have exhausted my resources.
Played all of my cards.
Yet, I still am at a loss.
I've played the little lady,
played the boss
been the shoulder,
lady rock and boulder.
Where does it end?
Or shall I say when does it truly begin?
My emotions
filled with such true devotion
I hate this cycle we're in
But yet I/we turn around and
Do it again
Does this madness have no end?
Wishing we could start anew
You know back before you knew me
and I really knew u
Maybe we could set this union
on the path of elevation
manifestation
recreation...
or is all this in anticipation of
devastation?

So In Love...

2008-03-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

I swear, I am finally realizing the power of love.
Shout out to Stephanie Mills, Kels, Luther, and Celine!

I woke up this morning seemingly more in love than I have ever been.
I don't know if it is something new or if it has been there all along and has just gone unnoticed.
Now don't get me wrong, I have always felt the love.
It just seems that now, suddenly,
It is renewed, restored, reunited, reinstated, or maybe even recreated.
I just know that it has changed.
Grown to a brand new depth.
This is the kind of love that has no boundaries.
It has no limit.

Loving my Creator.

No boundaries.

Loving myself.

No limit.

Loving us because we are one.

Public Enemy #1

2008-03-12T14:18:00.003-05:00

1. Why do people feel that they can just say whatever the hell they want to say to you and it is Just Fine?

2. I don't think that's what Mary J. had in mind.

3. Take Hillary for instance, who in the hell does she think she is?

4. I don't blame Barack for telling her to shove her Vice Presidency offer where Bill doesn't shine!

5. Back to #1 for a moment, what's so hard about giving folks a little respect?

6. Bret Favre is tired, so he quit his job. I'm tired, I want to quit mine too! Unfortunately, I haven't been throwing a football all of my life and my bank account shows proof of such.

7. I would love to know what was going to NY Gov. Spizter's mind when he had one of his prostitutes get on a train from NY to Washington. Was the cooch that good that he had to put it on a train?

8. "I have acted in a way that violates my obligations to my family and violates my — or any — sense of right and wrong," he said. "I apologize to the public, whom I promised better." -Eliot Spitzer (formerGov. of NY)

9. Duh! Dude, you think?

10. I so could not have been his wife up there standing next to him at the podium. However, I bet you she knew all along. She's just embarassed because now everyone knows!

11. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate office politics? I tell ya, these folks haven't got a smidgen of a clue.

12. How many times will Flav find "love"? Seriously, VH1, just let it go!

13. I remember when he and Public Enemy were a sign of a political voice in Hip Hop....

14. Remember "911's a Joke?"

15. True brilliance.

16. It's so awful that now Flav is the joke!

17. While I'm on reality TV, I can't say that I would really have wanted to try out for Idol after the initial sales of Jordin Sparks' cd and Ruben, and other artists were dropped from the label.

18. Do you think the US is going to send troops to Kenya before the Kikuya and Kalenjin tribes turn this into Rwanda: The Sequel?

19. Me either! I guess they don't have oil though, right?

20. Commercial radio is so awful! The playlist consists of the same 8 songs and 10 commercial ads. It doesn't matter the station choice, it's all the same.

21. Hence, the Ipod is a "must carry at all times" item!

22. I truly think my Treo is possessed since it rings when no one is calling, hangs up on certain people, and screws up my calendar.

23. Go figure.

24. I think it's time to join the Blackberry Bandwagon!

My 10 Spot..she got me

2008-03-10T15:14:00.003-05:00

Ok, I got tagged by a friend who asked me to post a blog that has 10 random or weird facts about me. So, here goes...

10. The gap I used to have in between my 2 front teeth as a youngster (you Banneker peeps remember that?), miraculously closed without the assistance of braces. That freakin dentist was right. Who knew!

9. I fell off the "No pork, No red meat wagon" and I'm trying to repeat this not so easy process all over again! Bye Bye Ribeye!

8. I love being in love.

7. I never thought I would revert back to a press & curl. Even though I've committed to it, I'm not so sure how much longer I will last on the "rediscovering my naturalness" tip!

6. I skipped school for the 1st time in the 5th grade, got caught, and my butt paid for it royally!

5. Oddly, I have really dark toes. Not the nail, just the toe! It looks crazy and I don't get it, but I wear them out anyway because they are still beautifully me!

4. This year, I plan to make my 2nd attempt at tennis. Last year was...interesting, but I'm not going to give up that easily!

3. I'm really bad about finishing things I start (see #7), but I'm getting better at it everyday (see #4)! I have resolved not to be that chick ;-)

2. I don't like much talking on the phone. I don't know what this one is about. I go through phases with the phone thing.

1. For some unforeseen reason, I cannot fall asleep at night without some type of background noise (tv, music, or something) because I am constantly thinking, "What's next?" I attribute this to my overactive brain and undiagnosed ADD!

When TV becomes real life...

2006-11-29T17:26:00.000-06:00

I don't know why I'm on this whole wedding/relationship vibe, but I had a thought and figured I would let it rip. Here goes...

I know just about everyone in my age range has seen the episode of "A Different World" where Whitley was about to marry the Senator and Dwayne Wayne busted up the wedding at least 5 times, right? If not, watch Oxygen and you're bound to catch it. Well, remember how Kim tried to tell Whit that it was okay for her to not get married if she still had feelings for Dwayne? Let me pose a "what would you do?" scenario.

Let's say that it was your best friend that was getting married but you know that he or she is not over the ex and doesn't seem all too thrilled about the upcoming nuptials. Sure they're in love with the idea of walking down the aisle, but they don't talk about love, marriage, and all that comes along with it. What do you say to them, if anything? What would you do?

Looking forward to your comments.

I think I'll wait

2006-11-29T15:11:00.000-06:00

-so, why are people trying to marry me off?
-I have heard all of the same things...
-you're a great catch!
-you could make a great wife!
-Blah, blah, blah....
-like I don't already know all of that, duh
-then they turn around and say, well maybe it's you
-as if to say that just because i am running down 28 y.o. in my bcbg boots sans ring that I am surely the "problem"
-I mean seriously implying that because I am not married, I am flawed, or defective
-why can't it be that I am simply not one to settle?
-I think I'll just wait on what I know I need, like, and want
-I know it seems as if I'm sitting in traffic on the Dan Ryan when I could have easily taken the El and been there an hour ago
-I don't know what's been up with me and the analogies lately
-my apologies for the reflective aside
-anyway...I've been there, tried that
-you wouldn't believe what I have had to encounter to reach my intended destination
-let me just say, in past situations, I have not been a happy camper
-certain things I can ride with
-others, not so much
-tings me no can do (accent included)...
-just downright lazy
-forever stupid
-consistently broke-means he can't plan
-futuristically broke-means he doesn't want to plan
-lackluster-I'm bright and shiny, what do I need a tarnished dude for?
-ambitionless (this one refers back to futuristically broke-they go hand in hand)
-I'm wondering how long I should make this list
-should I write what I'm thinking, or be considerate of my readers?
-bare with me
-I gotta list a few more
-funky-this one requires no further explanation
-or so stuck on himself that he's always in the mirror, while obviously not leaving me any space to check my hair!
-talk about infuriating!
-so friends, I am so not interested in those pseudo-happenstance meetings that you keep trying to set up
-I'll meet "him" when I'm ready
-and who knows...
-I may know this dude already ;-)
-if not, I still think I'll wait...I'm in no rush!

Time Out....

2006-10-23T16:32:00.000-05:00

I am coming to believe that Mondays are my time for reflection. Which is perfectly okay with me. I tend to reflect throughout the week, but on Mondays all of those thoughts come to fruition. This week, instead of having a Private Party, I'm just calling TIME OUT!

No, I'm not sitting in the corner with my face to the wall. Nor am I sitting on the sidelines setting up a play (well not really). I am however, going off to chill. You know sometimes in the 9 to 5 world we live in, this is not a luxury as much as it is a necessity. I have to come to find that I can be tense, upset, and frustrated at my desk and the minute I walk out of the door, my viewpoint transforms. Is this transformation pyschological? It is possible. Seeing as how I didn't really care to be behind that desk anyways, it is very probable. My point is that my blessings do not spring forth from this desk. I therefore, shall not let the dealings that take place at this desk block me psychologically from receiving my blessings. I have come to find that blessings from the Lord shall not dwell in a cluttered space. I am, therefore, setting out the proverbial trash!

That being said, Tweet! Tweet! (whistle blows) Let's resume play...

Private Party

2006-10-16T15:06:00.000-05:00

Ok. I've been really vibing with India.Arie today.
I guess I'm just having a Testimony type of day (week actually). Private Party has got to be one of the best songs on this album!
There are others that I love too, but today, this is it for me!
I must admit, thus far my week has been down right raggedy!
I know it is only Monday!
So you see from whence I come.
I have a lot going on that I'm not quite sure how to handle.
I'll get through it though.
I always do.
I have been playing this song just about every hour.
No, I'm not totally psycho.
Seriously!
I just think my sistah India makes some really valid points here.
I think all women should celebrate themselves.
I'm learning to do this a little more.
Ironically, some people think I'm truly conceited.
This is sooo not the case.
I guess I should have been an actress since people say I play that part well.
Haha! ;-)
Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that I am pretty hard on myself.
Right here, right now I am promising to let it go.
Why worry about the things that I can't change, right?
Serenity Prayer 101.
I know this may sound like a pity party, but really it isn't.
It's a pause party.
I'm just taking a pause.
.............................................
As good as that was, I need more.
Ok, back to Private Party.
I think I wrote this song in my former life!
Or, maybe I wrote in my present one and just never put pen to paper...

Sorry for the ramble!

My Testimony on Testimony (concert)

2006-10-13T09:22:00.000-05:00

I went to the India.Arie in concert last night at the Chicago Theatre. Where shall I begin? I guess the opening act is as a good a place as any. As of early last week, I am so brand new on Robin Thicke! I love the falsetto voice he has happening. The Evolution of... has a nice vibe. It's worth a pick up. With that being said, I was all for him being the opening act for my soul sistah. Voice--live and in person-pretty darn good. Dancing on the other hand, he shouldn't do. He had this whole Michael Jackson skip thing going. LOL All in all, it was a cool performance from the new kid on my ipod block.

Now for the main attraction...
What can I truly say about India that you don't already know? She is an artist in the truest sense. Her performance was so awesome. Inspirational even. I left the venue in an entirely different and opposite frame of mind than I walked in with. I mean, okay, I knew she could sing. Last night though, I felt like I wrote everything she sang. Maybe it was my state of mind and what I've been going through, maybe not. Either way, her performance did the trick last night. It let me know that even her stuff gets down right raggedy sometimes (just like mine), and that it's okay for it to be that way! ...Temporarily!

Experience Rating: Off the charts! It did my spirit good!

To My Sistahs...

2006-09-13T11:05:00.000-05:00

Sistahs,

Over the last few years, I must say that I have discovered that being a "lady" is a dying sentiment. These letters are not meant to offend, I just want to bring to the forefront a topic that I feel is severely affecting my sistahs. So simply stated, if you are offended, read it again, because I'm probably talking about you. ;-)

I was brought up to believe that females were to act as ladies and that if a female presented herself as a lady, then she would be treated as such. I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I have heard a girl/woman say, "They don't know how to treat a lady." I must say that I do feel somewhat guilty about this, but my rhetorical response is always, "Well, most of them probably would if you even remotely acted like one." I know that sounds a little harsh, but those are my honest thoughts. With that being said, I have a couple of points to address.

1. You will be viewed as you display.
This is an important one and it is sooo based on common sense. If you don't want to be approached like a 'rat, stop dressing like a rat! Now of course there is always going to be that one token crazy fool that will approach you no matter what, but he's the exception. Seriously though, when God created women, he made some beautiful creatures. Everybody knows that. You have no need to show them every chance you get. Modesty and mystery are the tickets to being “truly” seen. If you just want to be seen, naked and nasty are the way to go. Sorry to be blunt, but I really think some of you need to hear this. You have to respect yourself before anyone else will.

This one is regarding a slightly different aspect of ladyship…

2. Stop hatin!
Personally, I have encountered more haters in my life than I deem necessary, which is why I feel this worthy of mentioning. How can you point out the lady impersonators? Look for the ones who are hatin on the real ladies! I don’t know about you, but I support my friends, family, and even strangers in their endeavors because I want them to succeed. Whether it be a business venture, marriage, or life choice, it is good to see people like us doing their thing! Why are some of you so upset at their success? If it seems as if I am singling “us” out, it is because I am.

I thought about writing these letters (they’ll be more) because I think this is stuff that just needs to be said. Just think, I am a woman/lady, if I feel this way about some of us, you just have to wonder what the men think. Hmmm...

P&B (Peace and Blessings) from one sistah to another,
Noe

What's Up With That?

2006-09-08T15:24:00.000-05:00

I just do not understand why people think I am so "together" all of the time.
I wish they knew that on occasion, my stuff can be downright raggedy.
I guess they would know that if I told them.
Maybe I should.
I feel that I should not have to.
If they are my friends, they should know that about me right?
Apparently not.
Are they able to detect that I need a moment?
Not exactly.
Would they listen if I told them?
Actively?
Of course they would. They are my friends.
Right?
Sometimes instead of being the sounding board, I would like to make a little noise.
AAAAHHHH!
Sorry.
That really didn't do it for me.
I guess I need more than that.
Anyone for drinks?
Just kidding...sort of.
Do people really see "me"?
I mean beyond the exterior.
Do I really want them to?
Seriously. Do I?
I'm tired.
I need a break.
I need to be "noelle" for a while.
I'm sure you are like "huh?"
Seriously. "noelle" and "NOELLE" are distinctly different personalities.
There are others.
Do I have DID (disociative identity disorder)?
I feel that way on some days.
Is today one of those days?
Of course.
Would I be writing this blog if it weren't?
At this exact moment about this exact subject?
Probably not.
Okay, absolutely not.
Is it just me, or does blogging seem easier when you are having a moment?
Seriously.
I think it is.
Maybe I'll try to write my next one when I'm not having a moment.
Should I really attempt that?
I mean, come on.
Do I really want to travel down that road?
We'll see.
I said I would never blog
With that being said...I guess just about anything is possible.

Okay. I just had to come back to this. Before posting, I went back and read it. Since I promised myself that I would not erase any blogs, I just have to pull back and really think about the comments I just made.

While I am somewhat proud of the fact that I am able to portray myself as a "lady to be reckoned with," I also want to be able to get stuff off my chest. I want to be able to say exactly how I am feeling without people thinking that I'm going all Whitney Houston and cracking up and whatnot. Did you just laugh at that? Smile even? I thought that was funny. Sorry, tangent. Anyway, I just wanted to clear that up. It is not that I don't care about my peeps' problems, concerns, or issues. I just want to be able to breakdown too without people writing me off as losing my "NOELLE" presence. Afterthought, that sounds really arrogant ("NOELLE"), but I didn't identify the distinction between the two. Thanks K for pointing that out.

What If...Nah, I'm Good

2006-08-25T08:43:00.000-05:00

Sure, I live my life without regrets. However, not even I can resist the "What Ifs"...
What if I...

Lived a different life? (this could be good)
Lived without struggle or strife? (would it be worth it?)
Had a new set of friends? (do I get to keep some?)
Had no friends? (pretty lonely)
Only men friends? (not enough talking)
Only female friends? (too much talking)
Imaginary friends? (man that one's deep)
Went out daily? (what? no chillin?)
Never went out at all? (too much chillin)
Couldn't type? (creating this would be pretty hard)
This was all I knew how to do? (this would be unbearable)
Couldn't read? (creating this would be impossible and this would be really unbearable!)
Was taller? (I'd love longer legs more!)
Was shorter? (they come shorter than me?)
Couldn't walk? (but I love my legs!
Was skinnier? (been there, not fun)
Was fatter? (been there too, not fun either)
Was blind? (wouldn't get to see all you beautiful people)
Had never been in love? (I'd have missed out on a lot)
Had never been loved? (Oh, that one's too depressing)

When I started out writing this, I was going for something so different than this turned out to be. I guess this was something I needed to just get out. The point...Okay. The point is that I can sit back and think about the "What Ifs" and think that living another way might be an okay idea. That is, until I really get the thinking. I can come up with an excuse or reason to justify not want to change what I already have. That's something to think about...

Simply Out of Touch

2006-08-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

I never realized that I was so out of touch with people to whom I was really close. I mean, I know I kinda withdrew for a while, but where did the years go? During the years that I was pretty much out of the "public" eye, most of my friends were getting married, finishing degrees, and moving away. Only those in my innermost circle had the "privilege" to deal with my sulking and mood swings during that time.So, you may ask, why did I retreat so drastically for so long? Well I had a rough few years health-wise. Seriously, I had to go under the knife a few times (more than I ever want to again in life). If you don't already know the details, then you really don't need to. Actually, that's part of the reason I "dropped off the face of the Earth". I really got tired of trying to explain things to people, so I stopped going out. That way it was just-End of Story.But it wasn't. I really hated the fact that I couldn't live the life of a normal 20-something. I couldn't really relate to my friends anymore because I wasn't really living the same type of lives that they were. I have to say, honestly, that sucked!Nowadays, my health is great (thanks to those multiple cuttings) and I'm back in the swing of things. Funny thing though, throughout this "withdrawl period," I still managed to continue to date (somewhat). That's getting into another blog though. Until later...